12th of February 2021
by Beatriz Gomes
protest against domestic violence in Lisbon
Domestic violence is a constant topic in Portuguese news. Domestic violence is one of the main causes of death for women in Portugal. In 2020, there was a medium of 40 reported cases every day. Despite this number, it was a decrease of 8.6% compared to 2019. Interestingly enough, the COVID-19 lockdown didn’t worsen the domestic violence ratings. This is because the Portuguese Government released a set of measures to protect the victims.
However, there’s a type of domestic violence that it’s rarely talked about and deeply affects the Portuguese population. Domestic violence against children is so normalized in Portugal because adults undervalue the repercussions their behaviours have on their child. In 2020, there was 1841 children and teenage victims of domestic violence, in which 59.7% were female.
Domestic violence between parents and children is highly normalised. It is acceptable and, in some cultures, encouraged for parents to hit their kids as a way of educating them. Educating a child can’t be easy and from time to time, a parent might need to slap their child to teach them a lesson. But where do we draw the line between education and abuse?
There is an difference between educating a child and abusing them. Culture plays a crucial role in education. In England, it is illegal to hit your child for unreasonable motives and Scotland even forbit hitting of any kind. In Portugal, hitting your child is normal and there is no law that protects children, nor they are taught what boundaries and behaviours are accepted from their parents, which may make it hard for a child to understand if they are being abused. Due to its history, the Portuguese society looks at hitting their kids as a tool and not as a form of abuse. During Salazar’s dictatorship, it was incentivized for man- the “head” of the house- to hit their spouse and children. This mentality is still very present in the Portuguese society, which is one of the reasons why aggressors are mostly men (85%).
“Both my parents abused me and my sister physically and psychologically but also each other.” Says Mafalda Gonçalves “I only realized I was a victim of domestic violence when I was 16.” Domestic violence victims usually have difficulty understanding and accepting they are victims. Victims are usually manipulated into not asking for help or thinking they deserve the abuse they suffer from. “I never asked for help, I didn’t want to be seen as ‘crazy like my mother’.” Mafalda is 20 years old and due to her abuse, she has difficulties understanding and dealing with her emotions “My happiness revolves around my friends, when something bad happens between us I just explode. I don’t know how to deal with it differently.” She goes on “I don’t feel like I can or even deserve to be loved, so I end up in toxic relationships that I’m too scared to end because I don’t want to be alone.” Mafalda explains she doesn’t plan to create a family because she’s scared to traumatize her kids due to the lack of parental figures in her childhood and young-teenager life.
Being a victim of domestic violence as a child affects someone for the rest of their lives. It affects how they interact with people and how they see themselves.
“It took a huge toll on my self-esteem, all my insecurities.” Says Ana Cunha “No one in my family ever believed me because my aggressor used to hit me at home in places no one would see- my back, my head.” Ana used alcohol as an escapism until she went to university, away from her aggressor and had time to develop her personality and heal.
The violence Ana suffered from led her to completely change her way of raising her daughters “I did everything differently. I used to get beat up just because. So, I decided to do the opposite, I always talked to my children about what they did wrong and grounded them when needed. I never hit them, ever.”
The paradox in domestic violence is that I couldn’t help but feel dependent from my aggressor. I was emotionally and financially dependent. I couldn’t bring myself to leave them.”
Children depend on their parents. They don’t have the possibility to leave their parents’ house when they’re being mistreated and abused. Besides, a lot of the kids that get taken away from their parents due to domestic violence, neglect, or other reason, get in the adoption systems and don’t get adopted. In 2015, from 800 kids only 300 were juridically adopted. What happens to the other 500?
The Portuguese Government has the responsibility to give more support to children in schools. Kids need to learn from a young age what is acceptable and respectful and what is abuse. But there is also a need to give support and incentivize adults to adopt children who leave unhealthy environments.
Domestic violence is still a very recurrent and present topic in Portugal. Even though the numbers are lowering, there is still a huge number of victims.
If you think you or someone you know is suffering from domestic violence or any type of abuse, please contact APAV (Associação Portuguesa de Apoio à Vitima), SOS Criança or the authorities.
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